Typical Yoruba Bus Conductor Fight - With Translations

The Lagos Dream 
 
As a Lagosian, everyday is a drama. You definitely get to see one thing or the other as soon as you step out of your front door. As far as you want to go from one point to the other, you must commute. If you have your personal car, that's fine. But the fun is when you enter the local bus 'Danfo'. Here's a typical situation to expect when decide to go with a Danfo.
 
Friday, April 6th. 9:38am WAT

Somewhere in Isolo, Lagos.

*Noise fills the atmosphere and everyone rushes to the scene*
*Fight begins*

AGBERO: Wa, fun mi lowo mi abi ofe ki ogun pa Iya e. - /Hey, give me my money or do you want Ogun(the God of Iron) to kill your mother?/


BUS CONDUCTOR: Ori e daru. Owo ti mo ti fun e. - /You're crazy, money that I have already given you/

AGBERO (visibly angry now): Ko ni daa fun e, ori e baje, fun mi lowo ki n to yo gbogbo eyin e danu. - /It shall not be well with you, your head is incorrect. Give me my money before I remove all of your teeth/

BUS CONDUCTOR (Flares up in anger and holds a 'ready to fight' posture): Haa, Won bi e da!! - /Haa, you were not born well/

AGBERO (Prances around like a mini fight dancer): ti won ba bi e da, ti o ba mo pe won bi iya la iya e da, duro nbe - /If you were born well, if you know your grandmother was born well, stay there/

BUS CONDUCTOR: Maa bo, maa fo ori e. LAWMA ma wa ko nkan to kun ni ara e ti n ba ti se tan pelu e. Oda bi pe ofe ku sha - /Come, I will break your head. LAWMA will come and carry your remains of your body when I'm done with you. It seems you want to die right?/

AGBERO (Calls on Someone closeby): Wa Mutiu, Eleyi o mo mi rara sha. Oje so fun. Maa kan gbogbo egungun e! Ooni ku ire!! - /Come Mutiu, this one does not know me at all. You better tell him. I'd break all his bones, you will die a horrible death/

BUS CONDUCTOR (Lunges forward and lunges back immediately): Haa! Emi?! Emi?!! Ma.. ma.. ma. *Brief pause*. Iya e ma shon ku ni - /Haa! Me?! Me?! I will.. I will.. I will *Brief pause*. Your mother will die suddenly/

*A lot of people at the scene now, all watching keenly*

10:20am WAT - 42 Minutes later.....

AGBERO (Tired of the Talking): Ma... Ma... Ma.... Waa ri, ma shi mu e Oloshi - /I will... I will... I will.... You will see, I'd still get you, Idiot/

BUS CONDUCTOR: *Gets into bus and moves* Iya e! Omo ale.. *stretches five fingers from his left hand*. /Your Mother, Bastard/

*Crowd disperses*

'Fight ends'

Is Lagos not just a free cinematic experience? 

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